Up shit creek without a paddle (in a rapidly sinking canoe)

Well this could be the last post for a while whilst housemates play silly c*nts. Two of my housemates are a couple and decided to announce that they'd start looking for a love nest for themselves in a few months time. They're not looking now because one of them isn't working full time and so is looking for a new job. This still started the hideous homeless ball of misery rolling with the other two housemates looking for a new house with a mate of theirs. The problem is they've appeared to have found somewhere and could be moving out in early October leaving me and the love birds up shit creek. The love birds will be okay as they can still find a place, I, on the other hand, could be looking for another place to live with completely new housemates or trying to find new housemates to fill the current place. Either way I have little time to do it in and no  breathing space if things fall through. FUUUUUUCCCCKKK!

If you find talk of cars boring stop reading now

Up in Malvern Hills the girls and boys of the Morgan Motor Company have been scribbling away furtively on the back of their Maths books and have come up with these concept sketches...

They've decided to call it the Morgan Aero SuperSports (yes they did leave the space out between Super and Sports). Pleased with their design they dashed to the woodwork room and the metal shop and got to work making it a reality. The result I think it is quite beautiful BEHOLD!

I want one! Not only is it beautiful but a BMW 4.8 litre V8 nestles under the bonnet so it goes like shit off a shovel. Sadly it also has a BMW-like price tag too at £108,000 which sadly is out of my price range but at that price you'd have thought they could've sourced a better steering wheel! It looks like it was stolen out of a rusting Ford Escort and spruced up a bit which is a shame because the interior trim looks a bit steampunk.

In other news Ben lent me some Co-Exist who sound like caustic, white noise merchants from the ninth level of Hell (that's a good thing BTW) but I still think Raging Speedhorn are better. Co-Exist's vocals sound positively angelic in comparison to the bellowing roars from Raging Speedhorn's vocalists who tag team your ears into submission. Co-Exist have it on Album and Song titles though with their first album called surgical removal of the teeth, toenails and drilling of the kneecaps featuring such tracks as urge to mutilate, teeth meet fist and stress related killing. Charming. Both bands are excellent and worth checking out.

The Writing Thing

Apparently my last blog (The Jolly Buffoon) was witty and well written. I still haven't worked out how or why but a re-enacting chum who sees me perhaps six to seven times a year instantly recognised me through my writing style and said it was one of the best blogs he's come across. Mind you this character did the military parade sketch from Monty Python (see below) in his 1742 Grenadier Uniform to the French Artillery.

I also know that isn't much of compliment considering how much total and utter crap is written on these forums but perhaps I should try writing as sort of a proper hobby. I've been thinking about what to write and looking at my book shelves for inspiration and found most of my shelves were filled with factual books on anything from motorcycles to architecture and military uniforms to cookery. I'm no expert on any of those subjects so writing a book on them would be a bad idea so I looked to my sadly small fiction section. This is mainly composed of historical murder mysteries, a few Sharpe like novels by Allan Mallinson and fantasy type stuff by Philip Pullman and George Mann. I have been thinking about creating a murder mystery in a fantasy world with a series of smaller mysteries interwoven around the central mystery. This would allow me, the writer, to insert 'red herrings' to throw the reader off the scent as well as allowing the world I create to unfold. At the moment the world is in Regency-like age, on the verge of an industrial revolution which the old magical order is stuggling to adapt to or destroy and ever growing empires battling with one another whilst threatening to collapse under their own weight. I've started thinking about the first chapter but really I need to work out the entire plot out before I start writing the actual story. The main problem I've been having at the moment is writer's block, a stunted imagination and the worst grammar known to civilised man, seriously writing this blog article has taken all night as I um and ah over the wording and grammar. Dyslexia is a bitch.

I don't think I'm ready to write yet, I need to read more to help me pin down what I want to write and how I'm going to go about it and I need to travel more, see the world and expand my imagination to what is possible. One thing is certain however there will be NO RETARDED CHARACTER NAMES! What the fuck is up there with stupid names such as Azoth, Durzo and Tisamon? Tolkein's stories had systems for character names based on his knowledge of ancient languages and those he had created but it seems that fuck-nut fantasy writers now seem to think that stupid made-up names are par for the course as well as giving no anthroprological thought as to how their world's races and societies developed.

On that angry note I shall stop my rantings and retire to bed but before I do I will urge you to get out there and vote on the 4th June even if you protest by spoiling your ballet paper get out and vote. Tristan (a champagne socialist of the worst kind) seems to think I have simular views as the man below. I can assure you that I'm just a weak wristed liberal if however you hear someone shout "I say we give the man a chance" turn round and tell Matt 'Sturmbannführer' Smith to shut up. 

Hat Check

Ok here is a quicky for you guys. I spotted the hat below and thought I would look awesome in it. Its a Tyrolean hat from the Austrian Alps and I think the small brim and feathers make it rather dapper piece of millinery to place on my esteemed nut.

Being "Street"

I saw this and thought of Ben...

The Darwinian Dating Technique

My little brother is obviously a bit of a lothario and felt I needed some pointers and so he sent me some step-by-step guides to dating women...

By the way if there are any single ladies who read this blog I do have an actual job, I don't live with my parents and my offspring are likely to have an above average IQ. If you've got the sweaty palms and a pounding heart from reading that leave me a comment...

The Luncheon Club triumphs once again over Bolshevism

Despite his efforts to avoid destruction we saw through Uncle Joe's disguise.