The Writing Thing

Apparently my last blog (The Jolly Buffoon) was witty and well written. I still haven't worked out how or why but a re-enacting chum who sees me perhaps six to seven times a year instantly recognised me through my writing style and said it was one of the best blogs he's come across. Mind you this character did the military parade sketch from Monty Python (see below) in his 1742 Grenadier Uniform to the French Artillery.

I also know that isn't much of compliment considering how much total and utter crap is written on these forums but perhaps I should try writing as sort of a proper hobby. I've been thinking about what to write and looking at my book shelves for inspiration and found most of my shelves were filled with factual books on anything from motorcycles to architecture and military uniforms to cookery. I'm no expert on any of those subjects so writing a book on them would be a bad idea so I looked to my sadly small fiction section. This is mainly composed of historical murder mysteries, a few Sharpe like novels by Allan Mallinson and fantasy type stuff by Philip Pullman and George Mann. I have been thinking about creating a murder mystery in a fantasy world with a series of smaller mysteries interwoven around the central mystery. This would allow me, the writer, to insert 'red herrings' to throw the reader off the scent as well as allowing the world I create to unfold. At the moment the world is in Regency-like age, on the verge of an industrial revolution which the old magical order is stuggling to adapt to or destroy and ever growing empires battling with one another whilst threatening to collapse under their own weight. I've started thinking about the first chapter but really I need to work out the entire plot out before I start writing the actual story. The main problem I've been having at the moment is writer's block, a stunted imagination and the worst grammar known to civilised man, seriously writing this blog article has taken all night as I um and ah over the wording and grammar. Dyslexia is a bitch.

I don't think I'm ready to write yet, I need to read more to help me pin down what I want to write and how I'm going to go about it and I need to travel more, see the world and expand my imagination to what is possible. One thing is certain however there will be NO RETARDED CHARACTER NAMES! What the fuck is up there with stupid names such as Azoth, Durzo and Tisamon? Tolkein's stories had systems for character names based on his knowledge of ancient languages and those he had created but it seems that fuck-nut fantasy writers now seem to think that stupid made-up names are par for the course as well as giving no anthroprological thought as to how their world's races and societies developed.

On that angry note I shall stop my rantings and retire to bed but before I do I will urge you to get out there and vote on the 4th June even if you protest by spoiling your ballet paper get out and vote. Tristan (a champagne socialist of the worst kind) seems to think I have simular views as the man below. I can assure you that I'm just a weak wristed liberal if however you hear someone shout "I say we give the man a chance" turn round and tell Matt 'Sturmbannführer' Smith to shut up.