Tory! Tory! Tory!

I was baking mince pies with Charlie Cat and, that incurable Frenchman, Dom and we'd just sat down in front of the TV whilst the pies baked. Kirstie Allsopp was on and I commented that I thought her attractive but that she was a terrible tory. Both Dom and Charlie looked at me with a look of confusion so I went on to explain that the national press had suggested she'd become one of Cameron's babes. These women are a thinly veiled attempt to make the Tory party look less like a party of sexist, adulterous bores. 

Kirstie Allsopp: a beautiful woman and a terrible Tory

Charlie then dropped the bomb shell when she said, "but I thought you were a Tory..." I reeled from that comment spluttering and stuttering before finally recovering and confirming to them that I'm not Tory.

I grew up under Thatcher and Major and my conditioning started young with seeing my father hurling abuse at the telly whenever Thatcher's smug face appeared on the screen before leaping up and turning the TV off entirely. Thatcher angered my father that much and it puts me in mind of a quote by the infamous Frankie Boyle who when asked to comment on whether Thatcher should get a state funeral said, "most of us aren't interested in what type of funeral she [Thatcher] should have, we're all debating whether she has to be dead before we can bury her!" It wasn't just my father either, local politicians also had a role to play in building my hatred of the Tories. The local council in my home town when I was growing up was Conservative, true blue through and through and as a result of that had changed from a vibrant market town into a dead dormitory town. They were inept, spineless and greedy, slashing services in the town until there was fuck all left. When I started working in the holidays whilst at University I saw Tory voters close up and it made me hate the Tories even more. Small business owners in my neck of the woods were overwhelmingly Tory and they treated their workforce like shit and temps, like me, were even lower on the food chain. After seeing how those bastards treated their workforce I vowed to join a union as soon as I got a proper job. The Conservative party made me the lefty voter I am today and it will be a cold day in hell before I vote blue. Really I find this all too difficult to put into words but I think this sketch from the early 1990s still runs true today...